I can tolerate a certain amount of idiocy, but my brain
reaches a point where it simply rebels. Considering all the nonsense taking
place in our society, one is faced with a pot luck of inane ideas and actions,
but the point of my immediate outrage is the so-called “Mark Twain Prize for
American Humor” presented annually by the Kennedy Center.
Now I think its fine to have such an award. Mark Twain, ne
Samuel Clemmens, was not only a great American author (Hemmingway said that
American literature began with Twain), but was a genuine wit, both in his
written work and public addresses.
So, what’s my problem? Just this; none of those awarded the
prize in its sixteen years of existence have been humorists. Humor is an
intellectual undertaking, requiring insight, subtlety, and a taste for the
absurd. None of the winners satisfy these requirements.
Of course, anyone can establish a “Prize” and award it to
whomsoever one pleases. We could have the Bill Clinton Prize for Marital
Fidelity, or the Joe Biden Award for Extemporaneous Speaking (the trophy would
be shaped like a foot), and lest we forget, there is the Nobel Peace Prize,
awarded in these latter years to such luminaries as Al “I invented the
internet” Gore and Barack Obama. The award to Obama was given in antecessum of what he would
accomplish after he was elected. His abject failure in this regard only serves
to heighten our awareness of the Nobel committee’s lack of prophetic chops.
Perhaps the Nobel nominating committee should be considered for the Twain
prize.
Take this year’s winner, Carol Burnett. Carol is certainly a
talented, funny lady who has enriched American entertainment for years, but she
is not a humorist. She, like most of the other winners, is a comedian. To be
more specific, she is a clown. Slap-stick and pratfalls are not humor.
In case you think I’m exaggerating, consider other equally
inappropriate prize winners, including the initial recipient Richard Pryor;
Ellen DeGeneres, Will Farrell, George Carlin, Steve Martin, Lorne Michaels
(really, Lorne Michaels – most people couldn't pick him out of a one man line-up)
and, my favorite, Whoopi Goldberg. I should also mention Jonathan Winters and
Carl Reiner who, while possessing true comedic genius, are not
humorists.
The residue of the winners hardly deserve to be included as
comedians. Their comedy, when not making fun of conservatives or Christians,
consists largely of crude, profanity laced sexual innuendo. Anyone who has
watched Whoopi on The View television show realize that she is not a humorist and
meets only half the requirement to be a wit.
Although I never saw him in person, I’m pretty certain Mark
Twain never uttered such bon mots as “how the f*** are you doing?” of “have you
heard what that b**** Sarah Palin said,” or “how about those m***** f******
Christians?.”
So, you’re probably thinking, who would I nominate? Glad you
asked. I’d start with Garrison Keillor of Prairie Home Companion, Fanny Flagg,
Roy Blount, Jr., Russell Baker, Dave Barry, Stan Freberg, and myself. (last of
course, but not least). This is only a fraction of the list of contemporary
humorists; if we start looking at posthumous awards, the roster becomes unwieldy.
The selection of the clowns who have received the misnamed prize reveals that deep down, the board of governors of the
Kennedy Center (or whoever makes the selection) are, contrary to their
pretensions to elevated cultural sensitivity, a bunch of low-brow,
bottom-feeding, tuxedo wearing cretins who would be more comfortable at a circus than at a literary
reading.
Mark Twain would not recognize himself among these prize
winners and would, if I know him at all, demand the immediate dissociation of his name
from this travesty.
